Making school, family and ministry work

After recently posting about my studies at Rockbridge Seminary on my blog and over at the Swerve blog at lifechurch.tv, I got an excellent question from Jonathan H - "How have you handled scheduling time around family, work, and ministry?" It's so important to think about that when considering any kind of back-to-school situation, so I thought I would share how that's been working for me so far.

Obviously, before going back to school I wasn't sitting around with an excess of free time, looking around for something to fill it. Instead, I was sensing in my heart that there was so much more God wanted to teach me, and in particular wanted my life to be less about me and more about others. I was involved in a lot of little things, all seemingly disconnected, without having much of an impact in any one area. So I needed to get a better handle on why I am here, get training on how to be a better leader, and get a deeper understanding of God's mission in this world. Together, those pointed me to considering seminary. Practically speaking, my job, marriage, four young kids, and a desire to stay active in the church and community where I'm located but some extreme restrictions on what that education would have to look like. I was so glad to find out about Rockbridge right at that point, as it was everything I was looking for. (Others with different needs or priorities may well find other choices more suited for them; I'm not trying to over emphasize one school :)

The program there is really meant to integrate closely with your existing life and schedule. Here's basically how things have played out for me, and how I've made things work...

• I'm a night owl. Instead of goofing off and watching TV from 11pm to 2am while the family is asleep, I now "go to class" without taking away from family time.
• I was already a heavy reader. Now instead of picking up random books that strike my fancy I have a well thought out reading and learning plan and get to discuss and internalize what I read.
• I love to discuss things, both theory and practice, so the chance to have deep interaction with other students online via forums was something I loved. It's so enjoyable for me it's just not a burden.
• At lunch time I'll now often stay in and heat up a frozen healthy choice meal and work on my written assignments / papers.
• Each class requires time with a mentor. Usually that's with my pastor or other ministry leader, and the class provides focus and a number of interesting things to discuss. Again, it's not taking more time, it's providing focus. My pastor has been hugely supportive of this, which is very important.
• A key thing I happen to like about Rockbridge's Master of Ministry Leadership Program is it's practical emphasis on ministry. There are a number of projects you need to do for the course, and they highly encourage when possible to do things that are actual value in your church or ministry. This is a huge time-saver (avoiding doing double the work) and applies what I'm learning to what I'm doing - win-win!
• I have had to push myself to learn better time management skills. I've found some ideas in Getting Things Done, Michael Hyatt's blog, and an app called Toodledo to be extremely helpful. This has really helped me to stop dropping the ball in important but not urgent areas of life and ministry.
• I've dropped out of a few activities that I didn't need to be doing. Not much, but a few. Getting to play the "I'm enrolled in an online Master's program and need to pull back a bit" can be nice.
• To some degree I can adjust the overall pace and how much I'm spending per year by whether I take classes back-to-back or with a break in between. I'm mostly plowing ahead, but other classmates are taking advantage of that flexibility.
• The kids think it's kind of cool that dad at his age is going back to school and has to do homework. Sometimes on Saturday morning we let mom go and play tennis, and all hang out on the coach and read our school books. It's fun to answer questions like "what are you learning?" with something like "Right now I'm learning how to talk about problems when we feel hurt rather than ignore them. Do you ever feel better by talking through problems you're facing?"  When an adults asks that question they get a much more boring "We're doing a TKI assessment for conflict resolution styles."
• Work has been a challenge at times. I'm fortunate to be at a place that is very flexible. I've not been able to put in as long hours as last year, but I'm more focused on getting the most important things done and keeping clients happy. For better or worse the economic downturn has given us a few less projects. While I hope that turns around soon, I'm making the best of that situation right now.

In a nutshell, it's taken a huge increase in focus and paying close attention to not let school interfere with work or family, and making sure it integrates with ministry rather than competes with it. How about you readers who are going back to school? How are you making it work?

Some insights on small groups

Two posts this weekend really caught my eye, each on an important aspect of small group ministry - how we learn, and how we care for those who help us learn.

1) Dave Treat commenting on the book "Sticky Church" by Larry Osborne

A quote from the chapter "Velcroed for Growth" - "Most spiritual growth doesn’t come as a result of a training program or a set curriculum. It comes as a result of life putting us in what I like to call a need-to-know or need-to grow situation." Dave adds "I grew up under the linear model and recognize the defining features: learn it all (in order); store it in your head; apply it later. We argued over what “it all” means, and in what order. Long-term storage is especially tough when the knowledge is academic and not linked to real-world situations. Application may be hardest of all..."

"The ultimate goal of a sermon-based small group is simply to velcro people to the two things they will need most when faced with a need-to-know or need-to-grow situation: the Bible and other Christians."

2) Mac Lake of Seacoast with 'Three Movements in Small Group Coaching'

He points out three growing approaches that he disagrees with while finding good points they make and common principles to learn from. 'Hired Gun' approach hires part time staff to oversee about 30 small group leaders; 'Remove the Middle Man' approach has one staff member firing the coaches and handling 50-70 groups directly; 'Call Me if you need me' approach is purely reactive way to oversee 20-30 groups. As he looks at why many are abandoning the coaching model he finds three essential lessons for any small group coaching structure.

   1. Provide and maintain a span of care that is reasonable and realistic for your coaches

   2. Make the role less about resourcing and more about relationship

   3. Raise the level of significance of the role by emphasizing spiritual care of leaders

Note to self - I need to write another post soon on what I've learned from Steve Gladen which has addresses several of the key points from both perspectives. 

Thinking about Seminary - Grow Where You are Planted

Graduate school of any kind is a huge investment and usually means uprooting your life and putting it on hold for a few years. That's also the case for seminary... usually. Rockbridge Seminary is a 100% online seminary offering M.Div. and Master of Ministry Leadership degrees, allowing students to continue their lives and ministry as normal while studying towards a seminary degree. As they like to say "Grow Where You Are Planted."

Rockbridge has just made it extremely easy to get started - enroll now for the term Sept 1 - Oct 26 and they will waive tuition for your first course. Rockbridge has a unique approach that is extremely practical while providing a solid biblical foundation. In addition to coursework there is an emphasis on doing projects right in your church/ministry setting to display proficiency in a series of ministry competencies. I've been studying at Rockbridge for about a year now, half-way through the Master of Ministry Leadership program, and I can't recommend it strongly enough! The classes are excellent, highly interactive, and I can do all the work on my own schedule. It's a serious investment, in time and resources, but for those wanting to build a firm foundation for effective ministry, it's a great investment.

For more information on admissions see:  http://www.rockbridgeseminary.org/admissions

Applicants to either the Master of Ministry Leadership degree program or the Master of Divinity degree program must be at least 22 years of age and must be actively serving in a local church ministry role (either as a lay ministry volunteer or as a paid staff member). A bachelor’s degree from an accredited college or university and a church endorsement are required for admission to these programs.

Finish What You Start

I'm definitely not one to rush into things, and have been known on occasion to over-analyze things instead of taking action. This week I got the hint with some help from my Pastor's sermon and a blogger.

In last week's sermon (7/26), Chuck Grant shared on "How to Finish What We Start". Rather than just scribble on my bulletin I took notes on my iPhone and emailed myself, promising to blog on this before the week is up. It's Friday, so I made it :)

How to Finish What We Start
1. Stop making excuses (Prov 22:13)
2. Get started immediately (Rom 12:8)
3. Focus on the gain not the pain (Heb 11:26)
4. Depend on God (1 Pet 4:11)

• What do I need to finish?
• What is my next step?

As if to remind me today, Jason Curlee had a blog post on 'Bring Change'. Jason shared:

"Often times we make little or no progress because the task ahead is too great. When it comes to turning around an organization, whether a church or a ministry department, it can be turned around by making little changes day after day and week after week. When you know change is needed there is no point in delaying. What you can begin to do to see massive change over the long haul is to initiate smaller micro changes that will add up over time." Since change doesn't happen overnight, don't act like it did, and basically... get started! Do something now, and continue to do something each week." His formula for this is:


Small Daily/Weekly Changes + Consistency = Massive Organizational Change Over Time

Going back to Chuck's comment on 'Stop Making Excuses', I simply couldn't get this video clip from the Bob Newhart show out of my head...

Review - God's Little Princess Devotional Bible

"Every girl is a princess, the daughter of a King... the greatest King who created and rules over everything!" That is great news for a young princess, and is the message conveyed by a new book from Thomas Nelson Publishers, "God's Little Princess Devotional Bible" by Sheila Walsh.

Having a young princess of my own, I jumped at the chance to review this book via the Thomas Nelson Blogger Review Program. Before even opening the book I was impressed by the beautiful front cover and durable construction. It is a 337-pg devotional Bible aimed at young girls of ages 4-8. It contains about 80 segments with a short Bible story followed by application or devotional thoughts. These include Beauty Secrets (inner beauty), Princesses of the Bible, Royal Truths, My Hero (scripture promises) and others. Scripture quotations are from the highly readable International Children's Bible.

It took me longer than I expected to review this because, frankly, I haven't been able to pry it out of my daughters hands! She's been reading it frequently, trying to memorize some verses, and sharing some of the things she finds interesting with her mom and brothers (wow!) While it contains Bible stories, and while youngest readers will enjoy having it read to them, what really sets this book apart and makes it unique is that it is designed to be read by the young princess herself. This is clear from the first page, which begins "Dear Princess, you hold in your hands stories from the most wonderful book in the world. Within these pages you will discover amazing things you need to know about your Father God and how much he loves you." The girl isn't treated like she is a princess from a fairy tale; she learns that she IS a princess because her Father is the King. Sheila shares how sometimes she didn't feel like a princess growing up, didn't feel pretty, didn't always feel loved, and wants you to know how much God loves you. When my daughter read this intro for herself, she couldn't wait to dive in. Reading comes a bit slowly for her and she is a couple of years older than the target age for the book, but as a girl wanting to live out her faith and know God better, it's just perfect!

"God's Little Princess Devotional Bible" is available at Amazon and other retailers. I highly recommend it for young princesses.

Building a Balance in Emotional Bank Accounts

Stephen Covey in his popular book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" discusses the process of making "emotional bank account" with those we love. These are not only important with friends and families, but for building trust within teams.

Over at Philosophers' Notes there is an excellent summary (post and audio) of these "six major types of deposits that build the Emotional Bank Account", repeated below:

• Understanding the Individual. Few people actually take the time to listen to and understand someone. Be one of those people. Slow down. Seek to understand.
  

• Attending to Little Things. Do you consistently do the little things to show your love? Little forms of disrespect are large withdrawals. Make little deposits of kindness all the time.
  

• Keeping Commitments. Keep your Account high by honoring your commitments. One of the easiest ways to make huge withdrawals is to not keep your word.
  

• Clarifying Expectations. A cause of most relationship challenges is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Take the time to clarify.
  

• Showing Personal Integrity. Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty. Do your actions truly line up with your words? Be integrated. Make big deposits.
  

• Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal. Learn how to say “I was wrong. I’m deeply sorry.” It takes a huge amount of character to apologize sincerely and quickly. Do it.
  

 As you think about your closest relationships and about the teams you are a part of, how are you doing at building up the emotional bank accounts of those you love and serve with?

Compassion

Compassion (literally "to feel with") is a deep awareness of, and sympathy for, another's suffering. But more than that, more than empathy, there is an active desire to do something about it, to alleviate another's suffering. In what ways is compassion a natural response, and in what way is it a discipline?

As a human, as one created in the image of a compassionate God, compassion should be a natural response to seeing the pain of others. Some of us are naturally less inclined to feel compassion towards others, but that's no excuse for having a cold heart and not caring for others, or not wanting to do anything about it. One antidote to a heart that is feeling a lack of compassion is to go ahead and be compassionate. Sometimes our feelings guide our actions, but often our behavior can drive our feelings and thoughts in a positive way, reinforcing the behavior and ultimately changing the heart.

The spiritual discipline of compassion then is about breaking the habit of indifference. It's about extending practical help towards someone who is hurting, become the healing presence of Christ to them. Scripture frequently talks about Jesus' compassion (e.g. Mk 1:41, Mt 15:32) and commands us to do the same (I Pe 3:8-9).

What are some practical ways we might practice this kind of compassion? Adele Calhoun lists several in her "Spiritual Disciplines Handbook"

• Find opportunities to comfort and support those who suffer or are oppressed
• Rather than react to your own wounds by lashing out, seek to heal relationships
• Rather than passing judgment on someone hurting due to a poor choice, show mercy
• Read the newspaper with a prayerful attitude and a compassionate heart
• Volunteer in some kind of community-based service like a soup kitchen
• Visit someone who is sick, hospitalized, shut-in, and attend to their needs in love  

Control is Your Albatross

I read an excellent post by Tom Asacker on how we can over-complicate things and how the need for control can hurt us. (He's also trying to make the case that we read too much, but I'm not buying that!!)

"Control is your albatross. Control destroys relationships. Control blinds you to opportunities. Control shuts down your inner voice. Control is driven by your ego's need to serve itself. Control is an illusion you cling to primarily to alleviate your fears. Great leaders give up the need to control, come to terms with their own egos, and dedicate themselves to helping others. They inspire. They embrace change. They accept the uncertainty of the future. They trust people and help them live their dreams."

Alignment in Teams

Pat MacMillan in "The Performance Factor: Unlocking the Secrets of Teamwork" calls the creation of alignment one of the most important roles in leadership. Alignment is not something that comes from a mandate or a passionate plea. It is the degree to which an individual's goal and direction matches that of their team or organization. Each member of the team must work through these issues if alignment is going to occur, although each may have different motivations. MacMillan presents five elements of a team purpose that promote alignment.

1. Clear (I see it) - benefits of team effort clear and understandable to all

2. Relevant (I want it) - team goals must matter to the needs/goals of the members

3. Significant (It's worth it) - objectives must be important enough to be worth effort

4. Achievable (I believe it) - individual team members must believe mission is possible 

5. Urgent (I want it, ... now!) - goal must be urgent enough to do something... now

Alignment presupposes that the purpose of a team is clear. If you're a leader, how clear is the mission of your team? How well is each team member aligned with that purpose? If "not very", which element do you need to address to help your team members find alignment, so you can actually make a difference?

I'm getting Less Clutter

Not only Less Clutter. But Less Noise too! Are the kids heading to the grandparents for the summer?

Nope, even better, I won a book!?  (Don't laugh at the even better part, I kinda like to read!)
Kem Meyer, Communications Director at Granger Community Church, just had a 'blog tour' to get the word out about her new book "Less Clutter. Less Noise." This book is about using simple strategies to get your word out, reducing the clutter and noise. With lots of stories and tips, it's a great book for those wanting to improve their communication skills. 27 blogs participated, each asking a question for Kem to answer, and giving away a free copy of the book. I went to make a comment or two, but found the answers too interesting and I kept following the tour. In the end, I found several new blogs to follow, and made connections with some neat people.

I won a free copy of the book on Adam Mashni's blog. Adam is the Associate High School Director at NorthRidge Church in Plymouth, Michigan. He loves helping teenagers find truth in a world where they’re surrounded by uncertainty. Thanks Adam!!

I also won a free copy from Kim Bontrager's blog. Kim is the worship leader at First Mennonite Brethren Church in Wichita, Kansas. She's also a mom, a wife, and a creative person with a great heart to love and serve God in a number of ways. I knew of another creative leader/mom/communicator who would benefit from Kem's book, and Kim graciously offered to pass on that giveaway copy to her. Thanks Kim!!

Then something else cool happened. On Faye Bryant's blog the winner was Chris Hill. Chris is the iCampus pastor for The Ridge Community Church. Chris has a passion to help people connect with Jesus Christ, build real community in a virtual world, and help other people to grow and make a difference. Well, he practices what he preaches, and shot me an email offering to send me the book when he was finished reading it! I told him that was no longer necessary, but that his gesture (along with the whole blog tour) has really shown me that 'online community' is not an oxymoron. Bloggers are not just people who vent their opinions and tear down other people, they can really have a heart to work together, share thoughts and resources, and grow together as we serve the same Lord.

I followed along the blog tour looking for information, and instead found some great people, and some wisdom. So thanks to all who participated, bloggers and commenters alike, and to Kem for pushing hard to get all that writing done in a single day!