Forgiveness When There is No Apology

In a recent article I shared about forgiveness and reconiliation. Here I wanted to share some different views on the tough question of forgiving when there is no apology which came up in our recent Life's Healing Choices reading and small group discussion.

In "Life's Healing Choices" Rick Warren and John Baker stress the importance of unconditional forgiveness. Forgiving others relieves resentment and prevents us from holding a grudge (resentment and bitterness are not good things to hold onto, Job 5,18,36; Eph 4:31). They point out that failure to forgive is ususally a sign they don't feel forgiven themselves. As a result, they suggest forgiving another is needed even when there is not an apology.

Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas in "The Five Languages of Apology" takes a different view. They suggest that forgiveness without apology is asking Christians to do what even God does not do. Forgiveness in scripture is based on confession, and reconciliation on repentance. Forgiving without an apology hurts chances for reconciliation, and they echo Bonhoeffer (martyred by Nazis) in saying this reflects a 'cheap' form of grace.

In our small group Mary M. shared some excellent thoughts about these two views...

"I do agree that apology AND forgiveness, together, is an outcome that we should stive for: both apologizing ourselves when we realize we are in the wrong, and forgiving when we have been wronged. I see the tremendous power for good of the two together, allowing for reconciliation. Reconciliation is indeed based on repentence.
   But, we have no control whatsoever over the actions of the other person.  We can only do OUR OWN apologizing, OUR OWN forgiving. I also think that there is great value in forgiveness WITHOUT reconciliation when someone is in a pattern of unrepented sin.... There are many examples in history of forgiving without or before an apology. I think of Jim Elliott's wife going back to the Waodani people who had murdered her husband, for another example, or Betsie Ten Boom planning for a place/program for healing for both concentration-camp victims and concentration-camp prison guards, even while she herself was still dying in a concentration camp (her vision became a reality through the work of many, including her sister Corrie who survived).
   It seems to me this is how it works.  We see God forgiving first - forgiving withOUT apology and withOUT real repentence or amendment of behavior (at first) -- He makes His forgiveness freely available at the tremendous cost of the suffering and death of His son. (I might even go so far as to claim that the power to repent and to amend behavior COMES FROM God's forgiveness of us - that is the only energy source powerful enough to effect such a change.) We then strive to do this holy and supernatural thing that we see our Lord doing - and although it is impossible to do in our own strength, He helps us, and with His help we find we are able. And the results are that surprising, amazing chain reaction that constitutes personal and social/global revival. This glorifies God and brings joy to many. The standard is radical holiness: 'Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.' - Jesus (Luke 6:27-28)"

In another small group Rick B. shares:

I don't know about the Luke 17:3 passage but I think the I John 1:9 passage is putting the emphasis on the faithfulness of God. God's forgiveness is available and offered to us but it isn't appropriated until we confess our sins and repent. When we confess our sins, God is faithful and will not withhold the forgiveness that He has offered through Jesus Christ. We don't repent of our sins and then God decides if He will forgive us or not. I still believe that according to Romans 12:17-21, Ephesians 4:31-32, and Colossians 3:13 we are to let go of our grudges, trust God to deal with those who hurt us, and forgive whatever grievances there are. This does not negate the offender's need to take responsibility and repent of their sin. It's just not a condition for my forgiveness. It is a condition for them to apply my forgiveness to their lives. My forgiveness won't mean anything to them until they acknowledge their wrongdoing and repent of it. I Peter 2:21-24 is another passage to consider.

Pastor Chuck had some good practical points on discussing forgiveness with others, especially with those for whom this is a struggle. Is this person a Christian who has truly experienced God's forgiveness? Are they new in their walk with Christ, or are they approach biblical commands from a position of spiritual maturity? What is their own understanding and experience of God's forgiveness? If it's a matter of no apology, have they gotten to the point of being at least willing to forgive if asked? Is there sufficient time and support available for this person to make a tough and painful decision?

My own conclusion? Here's where I land on whether it is a biblical command to forgive unconditional and/or a good idea from a psychological perspective:

• Willingness to forgive is a universal command for Christians
• Ridding ourselves of bitterness is an unqualified command as well
• Forgiving others is a super way to do this and can bring healing
• Apologizing is not required for true forgiveness, but apologizing and repenting are necessary for reconciliation - for a relationship to begin the process of restoration.
• Forgiving is both an event (a decision) and also a process - a healing and restorative process which takes time, and which benefits from prayer and support
• Releasing the pain to God and leaning on him for healing the hurt, is another good idea, especially in cases where reconciliation is no longer an option (maybe the offender has passed away)
• Radical forgiveness towards someone who has hurt you very badly demonstrates God's love and willingness to forgiveness in a powerful way
• If you're helping someone else to deal with this, be sure they understand how God has (or wants to) forgive them, show patience and understanding as this can be a hard and lengthy process. The last thing the hurt person needs is (more) guilt!

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

We've been discussing several of Life's Healing Choices at Calvary and a very tough question that came up that was: Do you need to forgive someone even when they don't apologize? For people who have been hurt badly, this is not a theoretical question. Let's unpack forgiveness a bit and go beyond a simple yes/no answer.

Who gets hurt when we don't forgive?

Primarily, we do. Mental health experts recognize that resentment, bitterness, anger, and stress that come from an unforgiving heart can lead to a lot of pain, psychological and even physical harm to ourselves. In the case where the person won't apologize, is in prison, or is no longer alive, clearly the only person remaining to be hurt is yourself. It's not easy - but it's worth it. Forgiving others takes the focus off the pain, what was lost, and centers instead on healing and moving forward. Experts also realize forgiving others is not easy. It's a process, and one that takes times. Forgive and forget is a myth. Premature forgiveness, without coming to grips with the pain and grief felt, can also be a problem.

Forgiveness, Restitution, Reconciliation, Rebuilding Trust

I think a major cause of confusion and pain about forgiveness comes when we lump together several parts of the forgiving process together. Dr. Raymond Richard makes some excellent points in his article on Forgiveness in "A Guide to Psychology and its Practice".

• Anyone who has been victimized must make a tough choice on whether to forgive the perpetrator. There's really no middle ground, forgive the offender or hold on to bitterness and anger. 
• Forgiveness can be a "problem for many because they are not clear about what forgiveness really is. All too often forgiveness gets confused with reconciliation, a larger process of which forgiveness is but one part."
• Reconciliation is distinct from forgiveness. It's about being able to restore a relationship or to become friends again. "The act of reconciliation involves two parts: forgiveness and penance."
• Penance (as he describes it) involves three parts: confession, repentance, and a penalty or restitution. Confession is simply admitting the act. The reconciliation process can't proceed without this basic step. Repentance involves asking forgiveness. Accepting a penalty may include restitution or accepting some other punishment when restitution is not possible.
• Richmond provides a simple psychological definition of repentance: Forgiveness is the refusal to hurt the one who hurt you. It's a choice not to hold a grudge against another person.
• Forgiveness can occur even without an apology, without penance. "That’s because forgiveness by itself is still psychologically preferable to holding a grudge. Why? Because the bitterness of a grudge works like a mental poison that doesn’t hurt anyone but yourself. Seeking revenge or wishing harm to another will, at the minimum, deplete your strength and prevent your wounds from healing. In the worst case, the cold hunger for revenge will make you into a victimizer yourself."
• Forgiving someone does not mean that you must be reconciled with that person. Reconciliation is made possible by the mutual free choice of the both parties. 

This article doesn't discuss a key part of the reconciliation process - the rebuilding of trust. Even after an apology and forgiveness are made, and the relationship is restored, it can take a long time to rebuild trust. When the offense involved lies or deceipt (like an affair), the other person does not have to 'earn' the right to be forgiven, but trust is something that must be earned, and this may take quite some time. The greater the love between us, the more genuine the repentance, the better we are able to rebuild trust.

How God Forgives (and wants us to forgive)

There is much in common between the biblical teaching on forgiveness and reconciliation with this psychological explanation - and a few unique features as well.

• God is love, and has already decided to forgive, before we even ask. (Romans 5:8)
• Confessing, admitting we have sinned, is the critical first step to receiving God's forgiveness
• Repentance is also necessary, which goes beyond being sorry. It literally means "to change your thinking", and involves asking for that forgiveness.
• Is there still a penalty? Yes. If not, God would not be perfectly just. But because he shows perfect mercy, he chooses to literally pay that penalty Himself. Jesus' death on the cross paid the penalty for our sins. HE pays the penalty. We can't, and don't. 
• Reconciliation is the result. Our relationship with God, which sin has broken, is now fully restored. 

In the New Testament, this forgiveness through Christ sets the standard for how we are to forgive. We forgive just as God forgave us, as several parables and passages teach. Is this easy? No! Next post I'll expand on this a bit, and I will share (with permission) some thoughts from friends that came up in our small group discussion on forgiveness when there is no apology.

Review - Take Your Best Shot

What can a nine-year old boy do to fight AIDS and help orphans in Africa? What can he do by shooting hoops? FAR more than you might think. Take Your Best Shot is the story of Austin Gutwein, founder of Hoops of Hope. The book tells a wonderful story, from the perspective of this very young but very passionate and wise young man. Touched by a 4-minute video about AIDS orphans, he could not shake a desire to do something to help. In Sunday School he was taught "God wants to use you for something special" - but the difference between him and other folks... he actually believed it!

The back cover describes it well: "Take Your Best Shot captures' Austin's amazing adventure and challenges readers that no matter where you are, no matter what your skills are, no matter what your age, you can make a difference." What impressed me about that book that it wasn't just trying to tell a story but Austin really wants to encourage us that we can make a difference, one person at a time. It's also inspiring that he did this doing something he loves, shooting hoops.

The book is super easy to read, and has questions for individual or small group use, as well as suggestions for activities to consider. I would recommend it for readers of all ages. Check out Take Your Best Shot, from Thomas Nelson Publishers, at Amazon or other retailers.

Review - Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness" is a very serious book written in a very casual tone for those who want to take charge of their finances. It's a great resource for anyone in debt, even serious debt, who needs motivation and information on how to get out of a hole. It's also a good resource for those who have so far avoided debt but want to understand the benefit and relative priorities of emergency funds, retirement planning, college saving, debt-reduction, and investing. This new edition is able to comment on the 2008-2010 recession, as well as provide hope.

In Dave's own words, "personal finance is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge." Because of this, Dave presents many stories, a ton of motivation, and some recommendations that while non-optimal from a mathematical perspective, work extremely well in practice. (For example, with multiple credit card balances, do you pay down the smallest one first or the one with the highest rate?) In this case, the results do speak for themselves. Also, Dave shares his story about becoming a millionaire and losing it all, so his perspective is from experience.

If you want more in-depth material or investment theory, you should also check out other books including Ramsey's "The Financial Peace Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Restoring Your Family's Financial Health". The strong focus here is on a simple-to-follow but tough-to-do process of 7 basic steps : start a $1000 emergency fund, payoff debt using the Debt Snowball, get 3-6 months of expenses in savings, invest 15% of household income in retirement plans, college funding for children, payoff your mortgage early, and build wealth and give. If you've listened to Dave Ramsey's show these may not be new, but this book puts it all together very nicely in one place. If you haven't taken many of these steps to financial fitness, definitely checkout Total Money Makeover, available at Amazon or other booksellers.

Praise God - Rescued from a Ditch!

I'm very excited and thankful to be home typing this... I had to be rescued from a ditch in the big snowstorm this evening. This is in the category of "could have been much worse!" I was in the middle of nowhere, heading towards a friend's house, in the freezing cold. Someone was racing up behind me and I knew I would need to slow down and start looking for the house number before long. I pulled over to let this guy pass, to the shoulder of the road. Um, there was no shoulder. It was a ditch, a large ditch, filled with 4-5 feet of snow. The minivan ended up at about a 40 degree angle, and there was no getting out. My first thought, to be honest, was "Oh crap!! This is not good!"  The driver who passed just kept on going.

My second thought surprised me. The first is was my natural reaction. The second was not. It was "This is not a random accident, so Lord, what are you looking to teach me here?" (Again, this is not the normal response for me!)  I look up, and it turns out I'm directly across the street from my friends house. Immediately, a pick-up truck pulls up, a guy makes a cell phone call, then hops out and puts on a yellow vest. He introduced himself as Taylor, and emergency responder and volunteer firefighter. He took a good luck at the situation and says "You're never going to get that out by pushing, would you like me to call a wrecker for you?"  Um... yeah! He does that, lets them know where I'm at and says he'll call it in to the sheriff/police as well - told me to put on the hazards and go ahead inside to my friend's house, as it will be an hour before they get there.

I go inside, shaken but glad to be warm, and am greeted by friends, hot pizza, and warm brownies. We had our meeting, which went about two hours. A police car came by and sat there quite a while with lights on to make sure nothing hit the van; he was quite friendly. A random person driving by, who didn't know me or the homeowners, came up to the door and asked if we needed any help (!). The tow truck came, and they worked on it. The first tow truck wasn't able to get it out, they called in a second, and worked on it for over and hour and a half. The very minute we finished and got up from the table, there was a knock on the door. The van was safely extracted and my friend's wife got it turned around in the driveway and handed me the keys with a smile. The charge for this was far less than I expected. (When's the last time you felt like you underpaid for car troubles??)

So I'm very thankful to have gotten off so easy! Slightly different timing or location, or turning about five more degrees, and that could have been a horrible nightmare. What makes me even more thankful? The tie-in to my 'second' response (Lord, what are you trying to teach me here?) Why was I at his house, and what were we doing? Talking/dreaming about a building project despite one of the worst recessions in our lifetime, praying about what God wanted to do in our city to share His love with people who don't yet know Him, and had some concerns about if we had the resources for it. Driving home I had an answer to my question that was crystal clear: "Hard times and tough circumstances don't surprise me. I can and do use rough times to bring about good. You do exactly what you did tonight - trust in me, go about doing the things I want you to do and focus on the things I want you to focus on, count the cost, but I will handle all the rest. I have resources beyond your imagination or your need, and I arrange circumstances in ways far beyond your comprehension. I've shown you in a very small way tonight that you can trust Me even when things don't look good. Trust Me in bigger things, as long as you're looking to do them for My glory and to serve those I love - and I will be with you always!"

Review - Lasting Impressions

"Lasting Impressions: From Visiting to Belonging" by Mark Waltz is an excellent and very challenging book about the process of helping people connect and belong. Mark is the Pastor of Connections at Granger Community Church, and earlier wrote a book called "First Impressions: Creating Wow Experiences In Your Church."

First Impressions looks at making a positive impression for guests and repeat visitors and considers the role of greeters, ushers, welcome desk, etc. I wasn't sure what to expect from "Lasting Impressions", but it turned out to be a whole lot more than a simple follow-up. What I did find was a book that looked at those who did come back and asked the question "Now what?!" It's really about creating a culture of belonging, talking about the need for organic relationships, a good understanding of what you can (and can't) do to help people grow. As a bonus, the book has review questions and exercises to discuss and apply what you learn with your team. Chapters  include: People Still Matter; Assimilation: Watch your Language; You Can't Create People; Starbucks, Stories and Space; Be an Environmental Architect; How Full is Your Menu?; What do We Expect?; Develop Relational Road Maps; Construct Volunteer Venues; On-Ramps, Exit Ramps and Mile Markers.

What really impressed me about the book was that it turned upside my thinking on a number of interrelated issues - small groups, how to recruit volunteers, how to encourage membership - and described just how much their thinking has changed in the past decade as the times change. Some takeaway points - meet people where they are at; avoid pushing an agenda or assimilation into a checklist of programs; get over being responsible for people, and be responsible to them; growth is a transformation process that takes time and caring relationships; be an environmental architect who considers purpose, use and people; simplify and reduce what you offer; encourage next steps that are highly relational; ministry is just as much about relationship as it is about task. Some examples of how they've applied this at Granger: they eliminated affinity ministries (relying on self-selecting groups and centrally coordinated events); they're a church with small groups, not of groups (as many people simply can't/won't join one); they have very few things they ask people to do rather than expect heavy activity attendance. With respect to engaging volunteers to advance the Kingdom via ministry, they assume there are people out there longing to make a difference in their lives, who want to volunteer, but are not clear on how or where. They talk about the vision and need frequently, "chunk" tasks into smaller tasks, create "First Serve" opportunities (no strings attached come-and-serve-once) and "Second Saturday" (a few hours once a month to serve the community), provide a variety of schedules, celebrate success with stories and video, encourage experimentation, and constantly are on the look out for new people with leadership potential. Personal invitations to serve alongside are still the most effective recruiting tool, but they do not neglect having a limited number of clear on-ramps, such as a Volunteer Expo, an all-skate serve event, hosting a volunteer on-ramp online, and a 'Backstage Pass' tour of all that's going on. It's a firehose of great ideas, meant to spark thought in your own context rather than provide a model to copy.

I could go on, but really, just go ahead and read the book! "Lasting Impressions: From Visiting to Belonging" (Group Publishing, 2008) is available at Amazon and other retailers.

Review - Why Work? Called to Make a Difference

You have to like a book whose title is "Why Work?"  More specifically, Why Work? Called to Make a Difference is an outstanding book which meets the authors' goal to help the reader `better understand and fulfill your calling from God to make a difference in the marketplace through your work. It will heighten your awareness of why you work - a reason far greater than merely supplying your financial needs.' Nancy and Harold Olsen do a great job at tearing down the artificial wall between "sacred" and "secular", between ministry that goes on within church walls and ministry that occurs in all areas of the marketplace.

The book covers three topics particularly well: validating the call that most Christians have towards ministry and building the Kingdom outside of the church; helping pastors and ministers within the church to equip and empower these workplace ministers; and helping individual Christians develop a vision and practical plan for ministry in (and transformation of) the workplace.

Why Work clarifies that each of us has several "callings" in the world (in families, in society, in our church, and in our work). It's important to recognize that God has uniquely made us and gifted us for service. A few of my favorite quotes: `Instead of focusing on finding the "perfect" job, focus on identifying the passions God has given you', `God uses the workplace to transform your character', and the definition of a workplace ministers as `leaders who are called and anointed by God to serve in their workplace with the purpose of transforming people and their environment for the Kingdom.'

I particularly liked the chapters which sought to make practical the biblical principles of workplace ministry - how workplace and church ministers can work together, how to equip and support workplace ministers, and a lucid approach for developing a vision and action plan for carrying out your own ministry in the workplace. The writing is very clear, and the formatting of the book makes the key points jump out for the reader. I highly recommend "Why Work? Called to Make a Difference" to Christians passionate about serving God in their workplace, and to pastors and church leaders with a desire to see a far greater impact for the Kingdom of God within their city.

Building Character versus Controlling Behavior

Your behavior is how you act or respond, the things you do or say. Your character is who you are when nobody is watching. Often we forget that our role as parents (or other leaders) is to build character, not just make sure our kids behave the way we want them to. Your character will greatly affect your behavior, but it's a longer and more indirect process to mold character. A parable about character and behavior came to mind as I awoke this morning...

Suppose you're looking to display a beautiful painting permanently on a wall. You've got the painting itself, what everyone sees and which you want to look good, and you have the wall itself - the foundation which must support the painting. How can you make sure that the wall will support the painting over the long haul? Perhaps you'll want to use both glue and screws to make sure the two stay together. (If that's a dumb idea remember I'm not a handyman!) Glue will hold it in place the best, but it may take some time to set, during which the painting might slip down. The screws are something we apply externally to keep the painting in place until the glue dries. We can throw more screws in quickly, but doing so may mar the painting.

What happens if the painting is loose? Tighten the screws, right? Well, if they're loose, yes. But what if you've already tightened them as far as they should go? What if the threads are stripped? Over-tightening the screws at this point is completely counterproductive. You'll make a bigger hole, you'll mar the wall, and no amount of further tightening will help the painting stay in place better. Instead, you're better off taking out the screw, applying some gentle putty and let that take form before you think of replacing the screw (being extra careful this time not to over-tighten again). While you're at it, you should probably check that the painting is still hung level.

Here's the meaning of this parable. The wall is the moral foundation of the child - it needs to be solid and built strong enough to hold the weight of the painting. The painting is the behavior of the child, something we hope looks nice and will continue to do when when no one is around to view it. The screws are whatever actions we take to try to force or manipulate the behavior to stick to the moral foundation for character. The level (for Christians) is the Bible. Most important, but unseen is the painter, God Himself. The glue is love. It needs to be spread liberally, but also needs at times to be firm. It needs to be consistent, and it takes time to apply. The foundation itself cannot be neglected. The putty is forgiveness and forbearance. Screws do have a place, but keep them small and don't over-tighten them. (And for goodness sake man, put down the nail gun!!)

Servant Leadership Principles from Jesus

Matthew 20:20-28 is a vivid portrayal of servant leadership. When Jesus disciples seek positions of 'power' in His ministry, he plants in their minds the seeds of what it means to be a servant leader, in preparation for the visible demonstration they are going to see in the Upper Room with washing of their feet.

Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mt 20:25-28, NIV)

Looking more closely at the passage, there are several other key principles for servant leadership:

• He explicitly asked "What do you want (from me)?" rather than assuming what they want. He did this even for blind and sick people.
  
• He engaged his followers in dialogue that caused them to think ("Can you drink the cup...")
  
• He worked with their response (again, as He did repeatedly, e.g. feeding of 5000), which both validated them, showing respect, and helping to seal in the learning
  
• He explained the reasons for His decisions, not just a "No." The reason is, he wants them not just to obey, but constantly wants them to learn. Sharing the "why" behind as many decisions as possible is crucial I think for a mentoring leader.
  
• He nipped conflict in the bud!  He was in contact with His people enough to know there was grumbling, and He addressed it immediately.
  
• He went one further (as usual), going beyond the specific to the general. He introduced the bigger principle of servant leadership, for which He Himself was a model ("just as the Son of Man...")
  
• Despite a great job engaging and teaching, he didn't let it sit there. He pushed forward all the way to a heartfelt command - Not so with you!  He provided a contrast between a don't-do word picture (Gentile lords) and one to emulate (servant/slave)
  
• He does NOT discourage ambition - there's nothing wrong with wanting to be great, with being a leader, with getting things done. Jesus specified the path to greatness, He didn't block it off.
  

Not so with you?  By this he is absolutely inverting the idea of what it means to be a leader, and of greatness, completely upside down, in a way that had never been seen before. The ultimate great person, became the most unselfish servant to all, even those who rejected Him. His call here was for a radical transformation of perspective of leadership - a change that if internalized and carried out by us as followers would do tremendous things to build both trust and community, and ultimately, effectiveness.

Little moments - Big memories

The Baxter family just got back from a wonderful vacation with family at the beach. It was a great time of relaxing, celebrating Christmas, and making some memories. Playing pool, the hot tub, dinners together, Wii golf classic, board games, sneaking off for a date with my wife, and staying up late talking. I like vacations like that; not grand moments but time spent together, where running off to the beach at midnight and staring at the stars opens up sharing from the heart. And yet... one of the biggest 'little moment' of the trip was on the long and arduous ride to get there.

We were headed into a huge snow storm but it was smooth sailing until Charleston, WV. We pressed on, but at a toll both were told to turn around, as all the roads into Virginia were closed. (What??!)  There was no alternate route, just told to go back and find a hotel room. We drove back West, but nothing was open. No room at the Inn :)  At Charleston they laughed when we asked for a room and told to go another hour West. It was getting late, we hadn't eaten, and had a long trip yet ahead. The kids asked what was wrong. "None of the hotels have a room." "Can we pray that one would have a room for us?" asked Justin. "Sure!" He did, and the three other kids did likewise. Dawn made one more phone call and asked if they had a room. The receptionist said she didn't know. The power had been out all day and had just come back on - she would know when the computer finished rebooting. "Where are you?" asked Dawn. "Exit 48". We just past exit 47. "We'll be right there to see!" After getting off I-64 we couldn't find it, but took a wrong turn up a huge hill from which we could see the Sleep Inn. A couple of people decided to leave when the power went off and so they had a room! Restaurants and stores were all shut down, but Dawn found a movie theater and got us popcorn and Oreos for dinner, to go with a huge cup of Ramen noodles. Yummy! To celebrate, I made sure the boys jumped on the bed.

I'm thankful that God taught them something about prayer (repeatedly actually with some other answered prayer on the road). Did God miraculously turn on power for 80,000 people just because four children prayed? Which is more wonderful, if He answered directly at the moment, or if He chose to act well in advance? Guiding us to a wise decision to delay one day? Using a pottie break to put us within one mile of the only open hotel in a 50 mile radius at precisely the right time? Guiding us to pick up that particular hotel guide at a previous rest stop with the needed phone number? Helping us via a 'wrong turn' to get to a vantage where we could actually see the Sleep Inn? Or simply reaching out to Justin to call us to prayer at the exact time power was about to be restored? All of the above? I imagine that often answers to prayer come by means of natural causes, but God can and does guide us and act through other people. He's not constrained by time, after all. Regardless of the how, I'm thankful for God and His provisions, and for the deep sense my kids have that He loves them. Happy New Year all!!!